Gardens

I've been thinking about my garden and greenhouses and whether I would miss them. I started them in the first place because I like gardening and was very rewarded by watching stuff grow. Then I got caught up in liking the fact that I was producing much of my own food and that I knew it was organically grown. And I liked giving it away.

But now I'm thinking about when Angela moves out, which she will eventually, and how I have a freezer full of food from the garden that would take me forever to eat by myself. Do I want to put all that energy into that activity from now on. I could just do it to give it away to friends and the food bank. Or I could plant less or none at all and just live here without doing the gardens. I think that would be hard for me to do and it seems like a waste of all the beds I've built. So the train is taking my thoughts to the idea that maybe it's time for someone younger with a family to feed to have the gardens.

I guess I need to walk around in the garden and see how I really feel.

An old friend

Well, here we are in 2010. I sat here on New year 's Eve. Everyone else in the house was asleep so I rang in the new year with all the folks in Times Square and asked myself if I am really ready to give this up. Then I got a letter from a dear friend. She is going through a very similar discernment so I have a feeling we will be communicating a lot. The biggest difference between her and me is that she has spent the last 17 years alone. No spouse. No children/grandchildren living in her home. (she has such but they live kind of all over the place). I have never been alone. I have always had someone living with me and have always been responsible for them in some way. I have always been someone's wife, mother, grandmother. So I'm going to go all 60's on you now and say that I think I need to go away to find myself. I barely know who I am and I don't know who I can be without someone to take care of.

Several people have said that seeing the National Parks has been a dream for them as well. For me, I see this trip as primarily a solitary one, but I also imagine some friends joining up with me from time to time.

I have done the math and if I go I can't have a rent or house payment anywhere or there won't be enough money to travel. Even without the financial burden of any kind of home I will be on the edge financially, but really, when haven't I been?

My soul is hungry for something, and taking off and being as free as it is possible to be sings to that hunger in a sweet, sweet way.

Peace
Lyn