Since I have decided to sell, I am moving my blogging to facebook notes. Those of you who want to keep up with my thoughts, feelings, and struggles as I go through this process if you are not already one of my facebook friends I will gladly accept you as such. Thanks for the input and prayers as I went through this discernment. See you on Facebook
Lyn

I've Made a Decision

Well folks, here's what I ahve decided to do. I am going to take the advice of my odl friend June (old as in for a long time, not that she's old. Anyway - She said I should put the house up for sale and not come down from the price I want. If it sells I go. If not I stay. So that's what I'm going to do.
I spent most of January listing all of my books on a spread sheet on my new laptop and packing the books in boxes. I am going to take them to Portland so that Joey can choose the ones she wants and then she and I will take the rest of them to Powell's book store to sell them. It was a good exercise that helped me to see if I am going to have huge emotional attachments to things and not be able to give it all up. Actually, having them stacked here in boxes has given me a great feeling of relief, not being burdened by ownership. Whether the house sells or not i am determined to get rid of a lot of stuff. Already the house feels more spacious and I feel lighter

Of course there are some things I want to keep so i will ahve to figure out the best way to store things but I want that to be minimal.

So there you have it. I will try to add some thoughts as the process goes along. Please pray for the best outcome for all concerned.

Thanks
Lyn

Gardens

I've been thinking about my garden and greenhouses and whether I would miss them. I started them in the first place because I like gardening and was very rewarded by watching stuff grow. Then I got caught up in liking the fact that I was producing much of my own food and that I knew it was organically grown. And I liked giving it away.

But now I'm thinking about when Angela moves out, which she will eventually, and how I have a freezer full of food from the garden that would take me forever to eat by myself. Do I want to put all that energy into that activity from now on. I could just do it to give it away to friends and the food bank. Or I could plant less or none at all and just live here without doing the gardens. I think that would be hard for me to do and it seems like a waste of all the beds I've built. So the train is taking my thoughts to the idea that maybe it's time for someone younger with a family to feed to have the gardens.

I guess I need to walk around in the garden and see how I really feel.

An old friend

Well, here we are in 2010. I sat here on New year 's Eve. Everyone else in the house was asleep so I rang in the new year with all the folks in Times Square and asked myself if I am really ready to give this up. Then I got a letter from a dear friend. She is going through a very similar discernment so I have a feeling we will be communicating a lot. The biggest difference between her and me is that she has spent the last 17 years alone. No spouse. No children/grandchildren living in her home. (she has such but they live kind of all over the place). I have never been alone. I have always had someone living with me and have always been responsible for them in some way. I have always been someone's wife, mother, grandmother. So I'm going to go all 60's on you now and say that I think I need to go away to find myself. I barely know who I am and I don't know who I can be without someone to take care of.

Several people have said that seeing the National Parks has been a dream for them as well. For me, I see this trip as primarily a solitary one, but I also imagine some friends joining up with me from time to time.

I have done the math and if I go I can't have a rent or house payment anywhere or there won't be enough money to travel. Even without the financial burden of any kind of home I will be on the edge financially, but really, when haven't I been?

My soul is hungry for something, and taking off and being as free as it is possible to be sings to that hunger in a sweet, sweet way.

Peace
Lyn