clarifications

Well, I read that last blog and thought "I hope they don't think the Benedictines are a hedonistic group". Of course it remains to discern whether what we desire is virtuous or greedy, whether it comes from God or not. It's not like everything goes.

So, that said, I realize that I am left to discern which of my two desires best serves life, and creation, and the creator. I do love the farm. Sometimes I look around and think that my heart is here on this place, connected to this land, rooted in this ground. I found a tape that I made 17 years ago and on it I talked about all of my dreams for the farm. All the stuff I was going to do with it and how it was going to be this place where people could come to find peace, and discern the direction of their lives, or just rest. None of that happened. I seem to always be full of good ideas.

I have to say that most of the feedback I'm getting points me in the leaving direction. A lot of envy out there! I keep hearing, I wish I could do that or I wish I had the courage to do that. One woman wanted to send her husband with me but I said a definite no to that one. I pulled a medicine card yesterday. It was the Wolf. It says "Find new paths and options. Break through. Be a role model. Share your inner knowing."

I am thinking a lot about how to make this trip meaningful if I take it. There was a wonderful series on PBS 2 weeks ago about the National Parks and it was a very good history and of course highlighted the major, better known parks. But there are 136 National Parks and 78 National Monuments. I am thinking about highlighting the lesser known parks. If you include National historic areas, preserves, scenic areas, byways, etc, there are 477. So there are a lot of choices.

I have started making lists of equipment I would need ifI go or if I stay. I'm not as young as I used to be (darn!) and if I stay and try to do something meaningful here I will need some equipment. I am no longer strong enough to keep doing it all by hand. Not to mention that all of my garden tools were here when I bought the place 22 years ago and the shovels are so dull they wouldn't cut butter. All my hoses need to be replaced. I could really use a small lawn tractor (hauling rocks and firewood in a wheelbarrow just isn't cutting it). That's the short list. When I feel like I'm close to having it all down I'll tack it on the end of another blog.

If I go, the longer list is what I have to get rid of. I actually have most of the equipment I need to live in a truck. Doesn't take much, really.

I am still cleaning the house and the "get rid of it" pile is very small. Downsizing so far is not going so well. I am putting off some of it until Thanksgiving. Both Jeneva and Joey will be here and I want to go throught some stuff then so if they want any of it they can take it before it goes into the yard sale pile.

That's about it for tinight. Love hearing from you.

Peace
Lyn